Every time I close my eyes...

The sun is beating down on my bare skin. Its hot but as the sea breeze whips around my body and encloses it in just seconds of a slight chill it makes the heat bearable. As I lay in the sand that molds around my body ever so perfectly, I can hear the waves as they roll and crash into the sand at the edge of the shoreline. I can almost see it, though my eyes are practically glued shut, the blue-green wave turning into white wave only to be pulled back in to form again. I can hear the seagulls as they talk to each other about what I am not sure. Probably how wonderful it is to fly over head of all the people enjoying each others company and playing in the sand. Although I have almost slipped into a different world, I can still hear the faint laughter and chatter of the families, love birds, and friends at the beach. I can imagine the children making sand castles and the parents sitting back and observing the complexities of the child's mind and its creativity. I can see the couple walking down the beach, hand in hand, picking up shells and talking about the life they have dreamed up together. I see the groups of friends, walking up and down the beach throwing around a volleyball and listening to music. I see people at the ice cream shop getting a scoop of coconut ice cream on a sugar cone or a chocolate shake. So many different flavors to choose from. Everyone, including myself, is simply enjoying the simple things in life. Sand, Sun, Water, and the enjoyable and delightful company of those around us. Not to mention one of the most vast and most intricate creation's given to us by God Himself.

Im already there every time I close my eyes...

because I did.

Im still confused some days.
What happened?
Will I ever really know?
Does it really matter?
It happened.
Its over.
I did nothing wrong.
I forgave.
Im moving on...
because I can
because I will
because I am
because I did.
God is my healer.


  Love never fails
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

RQH

I choose love...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 

   -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is a choice. Its hard to live this out especially when you get hurt....

I choose love. 

Love,

   RQH

  

What was I thinking?

^"8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:8-9


     There are times in life when you come to a point of "what was I thinking?" moments. I just realized Im in one of those. The funny thing about it is I didn't know I was that far off until I, of corse, had a little break down. Sometimes little break downs are what get you to realize what's going on thats wrong. I know that I haven't been in a good mood and I was thinking to myself "MY BRAIN IS MESSED UP! WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!", soon to find out that I was just a tiny bit off kilter. So what's the issue? you might be thinking. I'll tell you. I havent been spending a lot of time on this one relationship. It's the relationship I am living for too. Why the heck would I neglect that relationship? What was I thinking? Answer. I wasn't! My relationship with God is number one so why on earth would I neglect to keep it that way?! When your heart is not turned towards God you can tell, or at least I can. I get moody, angry, sad, insecure, questioning everyone and their motives, a pain (to myself and everyone else). Its a bad combo. Now when Im in the word everyday and making an effort to do so Im none of those (well maybe sometimes) I am happy, carefree (in a good kind of way), in a good mood, not a pain... you get it. Its just better that way! I know its sometimes easy to get astray and to lose focus on what is most important (your relationship with God) but when you are in focus and living in Gods will He will honor that. He will reveal Himself to you in ways you didn't think possible. He will show you things about yourself you didn't know were there. He will give you things and opportunities you don't expect. He will give you that love you search for in all the wrong places. He will give you peace in the storms. He will be there for you always. He is never not there. He is your father, your creator, the love of your life. He is the reason you wake up in the morning. He is the reason you are living for. Without Him everything that means something to you really means nothing. Without Him there is no life. Try not to make my mistake and get a little off kilter. Its never fun for you or anyone else for that matter. Its important to stay in the word everyday. When you don't you create problems. 
     I would like to apologize to anyone I may have hurt or caused problems with. Sorry for being ridiculous. I want you to know I didn't mean to say or do anything to hurt you or to make you mad. It was just me in the wrong light. So Im sorry again. Please forgive me. 
     God is my light. He saves me when I need saving. He comforts me when I feel down. He gives me strength to push through the storm when I feel its too strong. He encourages me when I need encouragement and most of all He forgives me when I have done wrong. He holds me in his arms when I am alone. He loves me. I love Him.


-rqh

I know.

     No one ever told me it would feel like this, though looking back now I think its hard to explain the feeling. Its one of those things that you just have to experience yourself. When you watch movies or even people you are close to get this feeling or who already have had it for a long time you think you might have an idea of how it feels and that you know how it goes. No you're wrong. You have no idea. This is no game this feeling. Its the real deal. You may think you feel it at times but when you begin to REALLY REALLY feel this feeling. Yeah. Its going to hit you like a brick wall. But a very squishy and soft brick wall that doesn't hurt but in fact feels amazing. The feeling is so powerful. Its not something that is just there one second and gone the next. No this feeling is a life long commitment. Its something that remains through hard times and times of disappointment, anger, frustration, disapproval, mistakes, and things of the sort. Its always there. Because when you get the feeling you don't ever want it to go away. Its something you will hold on to forever.


      This feeling is so real to me now. I have been waiting on someone to make me feel this way. Its not something i take lightly and that I play around with. I think lots of people look at me and think that I am just young and stupid and don't know what I am even talking about. But to all of you I would like to say this: When you felt this way... did people get on to you and tell you that you were crazy? and when they did (if they did) did you want to yell at them and tell them they didn't know how you felt? You know when you know. And when people would ask how you knew and you could tell them all the reasons in the world and that you just knew and those people would come back with a "eh your just crazy" or "you just think you know but you don't" or how about this for those of you who might have been like me and never dated anyone else "you haven't even seen all your options yet" ARE YOU FOR REAL?! I can think for myself thank you. And I can tell you this. I don't want anymore options. Im glad I had one and that I took it. Because had I not and just ignored the feeling (which probably would have been impossible anyways) and just kept thinking "eh I'll keep my options open" THAT WOULD HAVE SUCKED. Because guess who I would have ended up coming back to?! Exactly. And not its not just about what I feel. Its about how God gave this to me. I asked for it. I asked God to keep me patient. I asked God to keep me strong. I asked God to show me the right guy. I asked God to give me the insight to know when the right guy came along I would know. I asked God to give him to me all the time. I asked God for so much in regards to this particular guy. I wanted to be good for him. I wanted to be the right girl. I honestly never thought I could find something as great as I did. It all paid off. The waiting. The wishing. The lonely nights where I wished that I didn't have to wait (i guess I didn't have to but I knew that I wanted to deep down). The days where I messed up and wanted someone to hold me. The dreaded proms and dances where I never had a date. The friends that had something I never had. But I see it all clearly now. God was working on me. He was making me the person I am today. He was shaping me. He was protecting me. He was making me whole for the man that I was waiting for. He was showing me and teaching me how to do hard things. Im so glad I waited. Im so glad God gave me strength to hold out for what I got. I can't even tell you how blessed I am.

     I just want you all to know how I feel. I am in love. Yep. Its the L word. Im not afraid to say it. LOVE. I have never been in love before. Its so amazing. Its like that old saying "when you know you know" yep. I know. I have waited for this since I was just a little girl. Its something I have tried to find but never quite found it before now. Im so thankful that I have found it in the man that I did. I would give anything for him to know just how much I love him.

So I say all of this for a few reasons. 1. I am madly in love. 2. Im not crazy and stupid and too young. 3. I have waited and pursued after what God wanted and he has rewarded me for it for sure. And I want all of the teenagers who read this. And maybe even some adults too. Its worth waiting. In the long run when you look back its great to be able to say "I waited for you" and to give them your whole unbroken and pure heart. Trust me. I would know.

      Ethan Harper. I waited for you. You can have my unbroken and pure heart. Your my first and last. I love you forever.
Love your princess,
Becca H.

a lot to say...

ok. i have a lot to say so here it goes...


ethan harper.
the end.


p.s. he is awesome.


love
 rqh

Hate much?

So I decided I hate school a lot. I mean I already knew I would but recently I decided that I have this deep hate for it. It haunts me in the night. Stresses me out. Does NOTHING for me and my happiness. I want to be able to breathe but guess what gets in the way? you guessed it! Its so  mean to me. I think school to me is like that bully kid that always was out to destroy you and somehow always seemed to prevail. I think school has it out for me? maybe because I had such a bad attitude from the beginning? I mean I tried to give it a chance but what did it do to me? IT RUINED MY LIFE! It made me lose friends become boring and got me all in a bad mood. It ruins my weekends because it has made its way into every part of my life. Its such a selfish thing that school. I hope it dies. AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!

Ok I think I got a little dramatic BUT if you can just see maybe a little bit of how much i really dont like school...maybe you can try to understand how I feel.

Thats all I just needed to vent.
Enjoy your week!

RQ :)